Chopped Liver – Heart of Gold

…. Liver of crap…

it’s Sunday and I’ve been waiting all day for my call to go in – in prep for my week of assessment – I say waiting – I’ve had a packed day.

Took B and Weedy to a school friends 6 yr old birthday party that was a real success! It turned out to be an outdoor football party – nothing wrong with that except it was freeeeezing and Weedy hates football. So we left straight away in floods of tears!

And… eh, Weedy wasn’t too happy either.

We then went for lunch with Weedy’s friend Lo and that was nice but we had to leave sharpish to go to family tea with Weedy’s cousin – all this time I’m waiting for the call to go in – appparently there isn’t a bed free – v. popular this hotel.

The call comes – can you come straight away – so here I am on the tube on the iPhone on the way to the ‘ossy for the next stage.

tubes arrived. (train that is)

Ok – here I am – back in the ‘ossy. I have been assigned bed number 5 – is that significant? Probably not.

Haven’t seen the doc yet – not Smiler – just the ward doc – but I have been given my timetable for the week.

I am told that the reason I was given this slot so quickly is that the person who was originally scheduled to attend now doesn’t need to be assessed – hmmm, let’s move on.

So what have we got for tomorrow? 9:30 EEG ( brain scan to you and I ) 9:50 Edta gfr & bone density – this to test the strength of my bones – see if I have signs of osteoporosis yet – apparently there is a link. They stick in a cannula, insert some dye, and have a shufty.

I should exlain at this point that I have a fear of needles. Some might find this surprising given the number of the buggers I have had inserted on my arms over the years – but I do. Oh, and cannulas. These are big bugger needles stuck deep in and used to insert fluids. I don’t have good veins for this. I have to say that sometime in the near future I expect to undergo a liver transplant but, ladies & gentlemen, tomorrow I am having a cannula in my arm and I don’t mind telling you which of those two events I am looking forward to the least (till after tomorrow of course).

Tuesday – nothing scheduled till 15:00 when I have a meeting with the dietician – eat the right food is my guess. No chocolate. No cream cakes. No chips. No anything remotely appealing – but lots of boiled green things with no salt and less taste.

Wednesday – endoscopy. Oh jeez. I hate ’em. Hate ’em. Hate ’em.

Have you seen the size of these cameras? And the wretching. Jeez – almost, I say almost, as bad as a cannula!

We’d afternoon – social worker. What? I’ll find out, I guess. I didn’t honestly think I was being that cruel to Weedy – I mean he wouldn’t play the goddam football and it was bleedin’ freezin’!

Thursday morning – synacthen test or something like that – I don’t know. All I know is that there is a thing called the blood gas test that BEATS the cannula hands down – so painful they haven’t put it on the timetable – but I have a way round that one – watch this space.

And that’s it – all being wel….. Sorry that doesn’t seem the right phrase – anyway I should be home by Thursday in time for the next stage – which I shall affectionately call being “on standby”.

I am going to sign off for just now – have to see if this iPhone update actually works – oh and also when the phone rings I seem to lose everything o have written and not saved – and it is time to say lovey dovey nighty nighty things to Weedy.

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One Comment on “Chopped Liver – Heart of Gold”

  1. ken Says:

    Is having a cannula even worse that picking up 7 7 8 8 and the bridge joker?


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