Chopped Liver – My Favourite Waste of Time

This leadership debate thing ahead of the General Election – are we really taken in by it? Isn’t it a case of 3 jokers creating a storm in a teacup? That would be a Brew Ha Ha, then.

Indulge me for a couple of minutes and I’ll save you 90 this evening.

Davey is going to look sharp, clean, grey suit and light blue tie. He’s going to say very little about his party but he is going to repeatedly slate Labour’s policies on Crime, Education, Health etc – all the things that cost a lot of money and are pretty darn near impossible to get right – so it’s an easy target to slate a party that’s been trying to get it right for 13 years. It is far easier to criticise than construct.

He will use phrases like, “Let me be absolutely clear on this” and then proceed to be absolutely unclear.

Gord, on the other hand, will wear a darker suit, red tie and generally look as if no amount of tinkering will make him appear as if his body was the template for clothes to be worn – he does not suit clothes. Perish the thought that he would appear without clothes, of course, and let us instead simply feast on a tailor’s dummy reject.

He will point to Labour’s unprecedented successes and back them up with figures from his Chancellor days that cannot be disputed on account of the fact that no-one listening will have a clue if it’s right or wrong. He will slate Davey as being out of touch with the grass roots and too inexperienced to represent this (once great) country. He will use phrases like “Give us the mandate to continue what we have started… yada yada” without admitting that if there was any chance at all of finishing what they have started – then after 13 years of trying they’d have probably done it by now – eh, what?

And then there’s the other chap. He will simply say that it’s time for a change. So come on guys, give us a chance, please – it’s just not fair – just this once – oh go on… look – that one there looks like a fish when he talks and the other one’s too smarmy – we are the voice of the people person.

None of them will mention foreign policy of course – ‘cos they all agreed to that at the time – and anyway it’s too emotive a subject for political sparring.

I just hope we are not reduced to electing a government based solely on the personality of the figurehead – there’s got to be more to it than that, surely? Otherwise, Harry Hill gets my vote.

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2 Comments on “Chopped Liver – My Favourite Waste of Time”


  1. The only thing you got horribly wrong was the fact that gordon was wearing a pink tie –


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