Chopped Liver – Step Right Up

For months now I have been singing… shouting… my praises of the revolutionary gadget that is taking over the world – the Apple iPhone – of course!

It can do almost anything. You name it.

It reminds me of a Tom Waits song, Step Right Up, from his mid-70’s album Small Change. It was, prophetically, all about a gadget that could do … well, almost anything –

“That’s right, it filets, it chops
It dices, slices, never stops
Lasts a lifetime, mows your lawn
And it mows your lawn
And it picks up the kids from school
It gets rid of unwanted facial hair
It gets rid of embarrassing age spots
It delivers a pizza
And it lengthens, and it strengthens
And it finds that slipper that’s been at large
Under the chaise longe for several weeks
And it plays a mean Rhythm Master
It makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your collar
And it’s only a dollar, step right up”

Well, let me tell you, the iPhone can do all of that – but also now gets rid of unwanted guests! Y’see, it’s got a new App on it – that is the sound of the dreaded drone of the VUVUSELA!!!!!!

So wherever you are you can make yourself the most annoying person in the world – in an instant – whether you have relatives over for dinner and they are overstaying… or perhaps when you are at a party, or, dare I say it, a Bridge evening (gulp!) – or simply just want to piss off the wife.

But, a word of warning – buy yourself an iPad too. It has a good screen for reading books and newspapers – you’ll need that ‘cos you wont have any friends!

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4 Comments on “Chopped Liver – Step Right Up”

  1. Sawbofeller Says:

    I make it 6-3 to you.

    Arg 2.0 SKo
    Gre 0.0 Nig
    Fra 1.1 Mex

  2. Sawbofeller Says:

    For Friday; (I will be out all day)

    Ger 1:0 Ser
    Slo 0:0 USA

    Ready for this one…

    Perfidious Albion 3:1 Algeria

    Don Fabio better produce the goods this time.

    Hope ‘Smiler’ visit was OK.

    • davidkallin Says:

      Didnt see smiler – they said theyd rescheduled my appt and sent me a letter – but i didnt see any – not important enough for me to argue – so I just left

      Ger 2:0 Ser; slo 1:0 USA; Ing 2:0 Alg


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