Chopped Liver – Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes

So here’s how I spend a fun day.

Wakey wakey… time for brekky… take Weedy to school, back in time to head off to my Gastro appointment at the ‘ossy.

I meet a … I dunno, consultant? Maybe. She may have said what she was – she may not, can’t remember. Anyway nice woman, but she didn’t know me. My notes look more like the size of the manuscript of the Encyclopaedia Brittanica – in triplicate. So she ain’t gonna find out too much about me in a 2-minute skim through.

So I tell her about me. After about 10 minutes I tell her I am waiting on a liver transplant – this is news to her – to be honest I don’t really know the point of this – unless I tell her I am feeling lousy and I’d love a colonoscopy please – or two if they’re on special offer.

Anyway, I’m a busy man. Got people to see. Appointments to keep. So Goodbye nice woman – see you again sometime.

Next stop – BLOOD! Hmmm…. gimme dat needle boy – yeh, stick it right in there – that’s it – excellent, ram it in. There – six gallons of blood given.

Now, I just happened to have with me the form my GP gave me to have an X-Ray on my continually painful hand as a result of my numerous accidents and misdemeanors of the previous couple of weeks.

you see, Smiler, you can do this...

So, have I got time to wait in the queue for an X-Ray prior to appointment number 4 at the toothman? I went down to the department – and hey! there was nobody waiting.

Sat down for 1 minute, went into the X-Ray room, stuck out my hand, made a smiley face with it for the camera – SNAP – went the camera (not my hand) – got the result – no obvious fracture – goodbye.

Why can’t i ever have anything straightforward? Is the hand broken or is it not? GP’s, friends, consultants – none of them can say what’s wrong with it? Except me, of course, I know it’s sore.

And so, as the time approacheth two-thirty – yeh, yeh, tooth-hurtee an’ all that, I am off to the dentist. Older readers (as in readers from old) will know that he is the dentist who saved my life and indirectly got me on the liver transplant list – true, I kid you not, so when I handed him over £75 for the privilege of him saying to me that my teeth are fine, I felt grateful – not worthy, even.

Now, it’s time to do some evening work, prior to … well, prior to my appointment with Smiler in the morning. Should I ask him what’s going on? Should I remind him it’s over the 6 month estimate I was told to expect? Should I just leave it to fate? Or should I do what I normally do?

And that is to talk about the merits of the iPhone or the Blackberry!

Now there… are 3…. steps to… carry a donor card – ooh, wap wap!
Just follow steps 1, 2 and 3.

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3 Comments on “Chopped Liver – Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes”

  1. hepababe Says:

    Hope all goes well with Smiler and he explains the waiting list thing to you.

  2. maria de witte Says:

    I discovered your blog today. Wishing you a speedy liver transplant.I waited 8 months at the Royal Free. I had a rare bloodgroup so maybe that was in my favor. Happy to discover a ‘liver’ blog.


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