Chopped Liver – One More Cup of Coffee

I long suspected something was up.

At times I felt like a character in Coronation Street – you know the guy is oblivious to what everyone else knows. Until gradually he starts to piece together the facts, and then suddenly, it all clicks into place.

So, for… I dunno, years, B has been leaving the house on a Monday morning at 9:00 to go do her weekly shop at Brent Cross. Conveniently this is an event I never witness, as I am still doing the morning school run.

I have often asked, however, why she leaves so early, as the shops don’t open until 10:00 and we are an 8 minute walk away..

But, gradually, the script-writer starts dropping the little clues and I put 2 and 2 together and come up with, what I believe to be 4. Finally, I pluck up the courage to ask my wife just what it is she gets up to at 09:00 every Monday.

Oh, nothing, she offers. Just working out what to get for the week.

I know this is baloney as she gets exactly the same every week. In fact I am sure she walks into the supermarket and is greeted at the door by the checkout assistant who says “The usual, Madam? I have it all here ready prepared for you”.

So this is what I deduce.

I deduce that she has a coffee in Costa Coffee and reads the paper from front to back.

Well, perhaps not quite to back – as she has no interest in the sport – you know that part of a newspaper that is the only bit worth reading?

And so I challenge B with my conclusion – which is hotly refuted. In fact, as Billy Shakespeare might have said – “The lady doth protest too much”.

And so to the denouement.

Today, Weedy, B and I were having a coffee in Costa Coffee. Not in Brent Cross but in a different shopping centre – a few miles away. After a couple of minutes, one of the staff comes straight up to B and says “Hello again” “I see you are drinking your usual!” “I haven’t seen you for a while as I have moved to this branch.” “How are you?”

Load of old Bull


Now that is what I call being RUMBLED.

Hey, it could have been worse. He could have said – “Where’s your husband today?” Or perhaps, “Where’s the other lady today?”. Or even, “you haven’t been returning my calls…”

Now there… are 3…. steps to… carry a donor card – ooh, wap wap!
Just follow steps 1, 2 and 3.

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