Chopped Liver – White Wedding

Ok, so it’s a bit of an obvious choice, but the problem is, no matter how much I wanted to avoid it, I have been told (by my wife) that I am the one who has to help Weedy with his Royal Wedding homework, so I asked him if he wanted to watch any of it.

Wow, Yippee! The Royal Wedding! Wow! Look, there’s Big Ben! And West-monster Abbey – hee hee this is fun, this is exciting.

Is that Kate?

Eh, No.

Who is that then?

She’s called Camilla.

Oh, look there’s Camilla again. All in bright yellow, like the sun.

Eh, No. That’s The Queen.


I’m bored, shall we turn the TV off?

(What a result! That’s ma boy!) Don’t you want to see Kate then? See her white wedding dress? (I presume she’ll be in white.)

Oh, ok then.

And so there was Kate. And as she stepped out of the car the commentators had to be ecstatic in their approval of this incredible dress. As for me, I thought, yes – beautiful dress – but what’s going on there? Is there not just a bit of a nip in the air, or what?

That’s what I could see certainly and you may say, “Yeah, typical bloke, shouldn’t be looking there.” Well, y’know I was watching in 3D and they very nearly poked my eyes out!

And then we had to switch the TV off – which obviously I strongly objected to on account of proceedings starting to get a bit interesting…

Now, concerning the state of my health, there have been some developments. Y’see I am in so much pain from my wound that I am finding it difficult to walk or stand blah blah blah – heard it all before? ‘Course you have. From me for pretty much all of the last few weeks.

Aye, but here’s the rub. The area of my pain has moved. Where before I had pain, now I have none and where before I had none, now I have pain.

And I think this is good – and here’s why. I think the nerve endings that had been cut have now healed in one part and are starting the healing process in the other part – so everything is moving at a different pace – but all towards the same common objective – that is to make me HAPPEE!

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