Archive for the ‘facebook’ category

Chopped Liver – Rockin’ Robin

January 22, 2011

Admission time.

The first record I ever bought – well, to be honest I got two at the same time – but one of them is, in my opinion, pretty cool – the other decidedly not.

The cool one – Metal Guru by T.Rex.

The uncool one – Rockin’ Robin by Michael Jackson – back in the days when he was… well, he was black.

And the lyrics went something along the lines of “Tweedily tweedily tweet Tweedily Tweedily Tweet Tweedily tweedily tweet Tweedily Tweedily Tweet Tweedily tweedily tweet Tweedily Tweedily Tweet – Tweet Tweet, Tweet Tweet.

Which is my round-a-bout way of talking about Twitter today. Y’see I decided to perform a scientific experiment based on the power and effectiveness of Twitter over Facebook.

Under stringent laboratory conditions I played out my serious dilemma that needed an urgent and considered response. I tweeted the issue and pleaded for a response. I concurrently posted? Statused? I don’t know what they call it in Facebook. Y’see I am a Twitterer. Not a Facebooker. I Follow and am Followed. I don’t update my status or pee on my Wall or whatever it is F-worders do.

In fact I have a tag-line on Twitter that says “Facebook is where you lie to people you know. Twitter is where you’re honest to strangers.”

So, what exactly happened with my experiment? Well, within an hour – there were 21 comments on Facebook creating a thread of opinion and good humour – one of which was a comment from one friend called Hayley.

I said to B, “Did you see Hayley’s comment?” At which point, B jumped up from her seat and ran to the window pronouncing “What??? Hayley’s Comet? Where?”.

One of her better moments.

or is it tweeter on Facebook?


And what of Twitter?

Zilch.

Not a peep.

Not a tweet.

So, my scientifically controlled experiment has deduced that Quality is, indeed, still better than Quantity. Having hundreds of Twitter followers does not mean that I have hundreds of friends.

Or, maybe they are just a tad more discerning? Discuss.

By the way, I even lost a follower since my tweet.

Now there… are 3…. steps to… carry a donor card – ooh, wap wap!
Just follow steps

Chopped Liver – Roobey Tuesday

October 19, 2010

Let’s get this straight.

It is Tuesday.

And it is the day that supposedly shocked the football world when Rooney was reported to want away from Man U – for financial reasons.

I don’t really care. With wages and image rights he is reported to be already earning £300k a week. Ladies of the night don’t come cheap these days.

So he is going down to the City for even more money – maybe he anticipates needing it for a possible future divorce.

But, as Morrissey once said, “it says nothing to me about my life” – I am just busting a gut just trying to make a deal here or a deal there – just to pay the bills.

So, Goodbye Roo-bey Tuesday, tomorrow is just another day – doo doo doo doo.

Now there… are 3…. steps to… carry a donor card – ooh, wap wap!
Just follow steps 1, 2 and 3.

Chopped Liver – Slippery People

September 21, 2010

I need to type this slowly… as it hurts.

My neighbour has been having her carpets cleaned. He offerred her a free rug clean. But she hasn’t got a rug.

So she phoned me and asked me if I wanted my rug cleaned for free.

I said, “there is no such thing as a free lunch”. Oh how right I was.

He came over to do the rug. He asked if there were any carpets in any of the rooms that needed doing. Well, as it happens, the staircase is pretty bad. And the landing. And the bedroom.

We don’t have carpets downstairs – just shiny wooden pseudo floorboards. While he was here I was on the phone and I went upstairs to check out what he was doing. As I was coming down I stepped off the staircase and onto the shiny wooden and VERY SLIPPERY pseudo floorboards – and the rest is… well, the rest happened in slow motion.

But, since I was wearing slippery slippers I went flying – upside down, inside out and landed on my back. Gawd knows what the person I was talking to on the other end of the phone thought – but he could certainly hear some screaming.

And I was in shock. I hit my femur (the top part of the leg – and the thing that caused my father’s demise 6 months ago to the day – and my wrist, my neck and the back of my head. And my iPhone!

But – nothing appears to be broken. As the adrenalin has subsided, my wrist is getting stiffer and more sore. It probably should get bandaged up – but I am not going to the hospital – not until I’m called.

So, thank you neighbour for my free rug clean – I’ll remember that for some time to come.

I was going to write about a fascinating story told to me by my good friend Sydney about a young girl and a liver transplant – now that would have been more topical for this blog – but it is going to have to wait… just for the time being.

Now there… are 3…. steps to… carry a donor card – ooh, wap wap!
Just follow steps 1, 2 and 3.

Chopped Liver – The Bump

September 19, 2010

There is a new tourist attraction in London.

We passed by the crowds of happy snappers posing in front of it.

It’s not The London Eye. Or the Gherkin. Or Wembley Stadium. It’s not a landmark that can be seen for miles around. It is, in fact, a branch of the photo outlet franchise known as Snappy Snaps.

This one is in Hampstead and and has heavily cracked windows and damaged wooden structure. It is, no less, the shop that a drug-impaired George Michael smashed into for which he is now serving time in the slammer.

Whatdya mean it's not a drive-thru?

But this happened a long time ago – I hear you cry. Yes, indeed. Many months ago. You’d imagine such a dangerous and unsightly facade would have been repaired by now. But why? As long as it is what it is – that being the unaltered scene of a crime by one of the most famous and (dare I say it) loved pop stars of the past 30 years – then people from all over the world will be attracted to it – and the name Snappy Snaps will continue to be talked about and written about in all sorts of conversations and publications – even pithy little blogs about blokes waiting for liver transplants.

I’m sure if the damage had been caused by a biddy, address unknown, then it would have been brought back to the pristine condition that an area as affluent as Hampstead surely merits.

Now there… are 3…. steps to… carry a donor card – ooh, wap wap!
Just follow steps 1, 2 and 3.

Chopped Liver – Give ‘Em Enough Pope

September 18, 2010

Football is the religion of this country.

But the Pope is visiting us – and not many are really sure why.

It does however give me the opportunity for a couple of footy/Pope related anecdotes.

Firstly, Birmingham City hold a record unlikely to be equalled – they once went through the term of a Pope’s reign without winning a game.

I do like that fact. It is of course tempered by the fact that the Pope in question – I think he was Pope John Paul 1 – died after only about 40-odd days as the Pontiff, and during that time, I think it was in the late 70’s, Birmingham remained rooted to the foot of the old first division – and didn’t win a single game!

My second fact relates to QPR. The last time the Pope visited the UK was the last time QPR were promoted to the top flight! And there they are again – riding high in the second tier of English football – poised to gain promotion to the top flight!

Ain’t that so, Tony L?

Now there… are 3…. steps to… carry a donor card – ooh, wap wap!
Just follow steps 1, 2 and 3.

Chopped Liver – Dandy In The Underpants

September 17, 2010

As I was saying last night, I won the “Booby” prize (i’m sure there is a more apt expression than that, but y’know I am just so not going there) of a pair of pants.

Here’s why.

I was at a launch party for a new product about video-conferencing. The idea is to save time going to and from meetings and being able to talk to up to six different people in little sections of your computer screen. Now wouldn’t that be wonderful?

Well, no.

Not in my book anyway. I believe in face to face, eye to eye. I believe you can engage so much better with people when you can look into the whites of their eyes – or, in my jaundiced view of life, into the yellows of my eyes. Actually maybe that’s a hidden benefit of this system – “business networking for the jaundiced”.

Now, as part of their demo, they showed a screen of six people having a chat with each other – and at one point a bulb went out in one of the particiPANTS rooms.

He said – Oh, Hold on a second, I need to change a bulb. And at that point he stood up on the chair to do so and revealed he was only wearing a pair of… guess what… pants. Cue much guffawing in the room last night.

But I was not impressed. Y’see I think this very funny part of the demo highlighted the very essence of what is wrong with it. When I am talking business with someone, I want to know i am giving and getting the full 100% attention we each deserve. And you do not give 100% when you are doing business in your Y’s.

In fact what you are saying is – I am not the least bit interested in what you have got to say, I am only interested in selling to you – not buying from you.

And what else might you be doing? In your Y’s? Watching the cricket? Engaging in… ok, you get my drift.

but... how did they know my size?

I accept I may be being just a little precious in all this. Maybe I am wrong. But I felt uneasy watching it – and now I have the permanent reminder of it by winning a pair of pants in the raffle.

Roll on next week for some more face to face meetings with some more prospective clients. Suited and booted.

Now there… are 3…. steps to… carry a donor card – ooh, wap wap!
Just follow steps 1, 2 and 3.

Chopped Liver – Ghost Town

September 15, 2010

There are great ideas. There are best intentions… and there is simply misguided optimism.

Today I attended a meeting of the latter.

In truth it contained best intentions too, so let me explain.

The meeting was with a select group of local businesspeople, councillors, police community officers and me. The idea was to think up a strategy to bring more people into the town High Street.

But the thing is, people do what people want to do. If there was a reason to come to the High Street then people would go to the High Sreet.

The problem is a massive white elephant in the middle of the town – it’s called an indoor shopping centre. It is warm. It has shops in it where people can buy things. The high street is freezing cold half the year, and is full of restaurants, banks, estate agents and the like – in short, shops where you cant buy “things”.

So, at the meeting, there were suggestions ranging from erecting little coloured lights to school choirs in the street. Except that there is nowhere in the street to hold such an event without endangering the lives of the attendeed (assuming there are any).

So, rather than appearing negative for the sake of it, what is the solution? I don’t know is the short answer.

The longer answer is that people will shop where the shops are, especially if it’s warm, and shopping centres the world over have changed the landscape of our town centres. Shopkeepers will only rent shops only where the customers are.

And that is that.

Now there… are 3…. steps to… carry a donor card – ooh, wap wap!
Just follow steps 1, 2 and 3.