Posted tagged ‘bart’

Chopped Liver – Stranger Than Kindness

May 20, 2011

I write a regular (some would say “irregular”) blog about my liver transplant. It’s main subject matter is all things related to me and my liver. I did it to keep a document of my life on the liver transplant waiting list, through my operation and beyond as I recover.

I get stats on WordPress to inform me, among other things, which search terms have been used as a mode of entry into my blog.

So why are the 4 most common search terms on my liver blog the following?:-

Do you know what the answer is, Bart?

“Slip on ice”
“Charlie Chaplin eating his shoe”

I actually do know the answer to this. I stumbled upon it way back when I posted a blog about Bart Simpson and included a picture of young Bart Simpson. Bart Simpson subsequently, and for a short time, became my most popular inbound link. But he lacked longevity.

Oh yes, he is not, it seems, as popular over a long period of time, as suppositories, yamakas (a term I have never used in my blog, curiously), a man slipping on ice or even Charlie Chaplin eating his shoe.

Bart? Must try harder. See Me.


Chopped Liver – Learning To Fly

November 27, 2010

B found out from t’internet that the RAF Museum in Hendon was celebrating St. Andrews Day with lots of activities for children – including something about The Flying Scotsman. Apart from its name, quite what a train has to do with the RAF I am not entirely sure – but if you think I was going to pass up on an opportunity to take Weedy 5 mins down the road for an exhibition about trains and planes – you don’t know my Weedy!

So off we went. I asked at reception where the St. Andrews Day activities were taking place. Reception didn’t know there were any. She phoned someone up. They hadn’t heard of anything either and suggested I had the wrong place.

Then the phone rang – and it was the information that, yes indeed, there are some activities to be found in the children’s area.

I guess that much I could have probably worked out myself.

So we made for the children’s area and looked around for a life-size replica of The Flying Scotsman – or maybe even the real thing – or at least some people dressed up as… ah, here’s a (wo)manned information desk.

Excuse me… yada yada… Flying doobree wotsit… yada yada… where?

Oh, it’s on that table. She said this as she pointed to a little table about 3 feet away.

On said table, were some blank sheets of A4 paper. You can make your paper aeroplane with those – but please don’t fly them in the main hall.

So, that was it – we went all that way (5 mins drive… but that’s not the point!) for a piece of blank paper!

We made our aeroplanes. I made one too – well, had to get my money’s worth! And flew them, carefully avoiding the main hall – for fear of damaging any of the fighter jets that had withstood the might of the Luftwaffe 70 years ago!

After about, oh, 16 seconds, we decided to have a look around the museum – at one point we went up some stairs to view inside a cockpit.

Oh look there’s a British Airways thingy – shouts Weedy, as he races down the same flight of stairs. However, in his haste and excitement, he lost his footing half way down and went… flying.

Hey, Bart, enough already!

Crash Bang Wallop. Thankfully not Snap Crackle and Pop!

He was very shocked at the bottom and did what any 6 year old would do. I genuinely think he would have hurt himself a lot more and probably caused a lot more damage were it not for the fact that he is very floppy-limbed – a bit rubbery. He seemed to just bounce down the stairs.

I had to get out my iPhone – let him play with it for a few minutes – till he forgot about it and was able to walk around again.

I hear it also makes phone calls, y’know.

Now there… are 3…. steps to… carry a donor card – ooh, wap wap!
Just follow steps 1, 2 and 3.

Chopped Liver – Electricity

November 26, 2010

I’m just gonna let the Bart Simpson do its own thing – it’s taken over my blog – it’s like an unstoppable train – I’m not sure I understand it – but most of my readership seems to be coming from people searching for Bart Simpson – and all because I suggested he looked a little jaundiced – oh, and I added a pic.

It’s the pic that’s doing it. In fact I did a search in Google for “Bart” and at the very top of the results screen there were a few images of Bart – and one of them was a direct link to this blog – and that out of over 10 million results returned.

Perhaps if I had employed this knowledge in my business I may have generated much greater response for my clients and more revenue for me. Hey I still can – don’t tell anyone my secret – least of all Google – they may not realise that I have cracked their code.

Truth is, I should have just asked Weedy. My 6 year old boy. He would have known. Y’see yesterday he said to me he would like to do a Powerpoint presentation about electricity.

Hey DK, I hope this is not a cheap shot to boost the ratings

Eh, don’t you have a Buzz Lightyear you can play with?

So I got the laptop out, opened Powerpoint and he chose a background design. I showed him how to find images on Google, how to create Custom Animation to make his images appear with “magic” effects in the presentation and how to add text.

I left him to go and make his dinner which I knew he would go “yeeeuuuccchhhh!!!!!!” to.

After half an hour, I came back to find he had created the most amazing, informative and visually stunning (for a 6 year old) Powerpoint presentation all about plugs and sockets, pylons, cables, batteries, appliances – all flying into the screen from various angles.

Ok, I did not explain to him the symptoms of Death By Powerpoint – he doesn’t need to know about that for another 10 years or so.

After he ran through the show for me – I said “Well Done”, now it’s Dinner Time.

He came into the kitchen and saw what I had made him – “Carne”. That is, Chili con Carne – without the Chili.

“yeeeuuuccchhhh!!!!!!” he said, “I don’t want that.”

That’s fine – I said – removing it and putting it to the side. You don’t have to eat anything if you don’t want to.

But I do want to.

Oh, you do? Ok here it is.

Chomp Chomp.

What do you think?

Yummy he said.

Can I have some more?

See? He’s still a kid

Now there… are 3…. steps to… carry a donor card – ooh, wap wap!
Just follow steps 1, 2 and 3.