Posted tagged ‘Google’

Chopped Liver – Brass In Pocket

April 23, 2011

Subtitled: The Death of SEO.

Have you noticed how companies are advertising themselves these days? No longer are they creating ever more eye-catching and technically proficient web sites to try and attract an anonymous populace to their products or services.

The amount of money companies traditionally spend on Search Engine Optimisation (SEO) is often many thousands of pounds each month – but what do they get from it? They get a promise from their web host that cannot be guranteed, and, in most cases, cannot be fulfilled. A promise that states that, in return, for their outlay, they will get visibility on the web, and of course, that will have the desired knock-on effect of increasing their customer calls and hence their sales and profits.

But this cannot be controlled nor even measured. However the budget must be spent if nothing else to simply keep up with the competition.

And even if the website is found and visited by a potential consumer, the company knows nothing about this prospect – they are invisible and anonymous. What use is that? Surely if a prospect shows any interest in a company, the company needs to know who it is, what they are looking for and, most importantly, how to contact the prospect again in the future to target this potential market.

Well, now they can. And it’s thanks to Facebook. Have you noticed how companies no longer advertise their own website anymore? They simply say, “Find us on Facebook”.

And when you find them on Facebook, you have the immediate option of clicking the LIKE button. Now, that simple keystroke sends massive amounts of information about you, the prospect, straight to the company providing the goods or services. They will have access to your profile. They will know your interests in both business and hobbies. In short, they will know who you are and what you like! They will even know your name and how to contact you!

And they can target you. They can put you on a VIP list and and contact you with special offers, make you feel special, so special – they gotta have some of your attention* (The Pretenders).

This is the new marketplace and it is growing exponentionally by the day. Already more than 10 times as many people are on Facebook as use Google – on a constant and daily basis. This is your captive market.

Use It.

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Chopped Liver – Electricity

November 26, 2010

I’m just gonna let the Bart Simpson do its own thing – it’s taken over my blog – it’s like an unstoppable train – I’m not sure I understand it – but most of my readership seems to be coming from people searching for Bart Simpson – and all because I suggested he looked a little jaundiced – oh, and I added a pic.

It’s the pic that’s doing it. In fact I did a search in Google for “Bart” and at the very top of the results screen there were a few images of Bart – and one of them was a direct link to this blog – and that out of over 10 million results returned.

Perhaps if I had employed this knowledge in my business I may have generated much greater response for my clients and more revenue for me. Hey I still can – don’t tell anyone my secret – least of all Google – they may not realise that I have cracked their code.

Truth is, I should have just asked Weedy. My 6 year old boy. He would have known. Y’see yesterday he said to me he would like to do a Powerpoint presentation about electricity.

Hey DK, I hope this is not a cheap shot to boost the ratings


Eh, don’t you have a Buzz Lightyear you can play with?

So I got the laptop out, opened Powerpoint and he chose a background design. I showed him how to find images on Google, how to create Custom Animation to make his images appear with “magic” effects in the presentation and how to add text.

I left him to go and make his dinner which I knew he would go “yeeeuuuccchhhh!!!!!!” to.

After half an hour, I came back to find he had created the most amazing, informative and visually stunning (for a 6 year old) Powerpoint presentation all about plugs and sockets, pylons, cables, batteries, appliances – all flying into the screen from various angles.

Ok, I did not explain to him the symptoms of Death By Powerpoint – he doesn’t need to know about that for another 10 years or so.

After he ran through the show for me – I said “Well Done”, now it’s Dinner Time.

He came into the kitchen and saw what I had made him – “Carne”. That is, Chili con Carne – without the Chili.

“yeeeuuuccchhhh!!!!!!” he said, “I don’t want that.”

That’s fine – I said – removing it and putting it to the side. You don’t have to eat anything if you don’t want to.

But I do want to.

Oh, you do? Ok here it is.

Chomp Chomp.

What do you think?

Yummy he said.

Can I have some more?

See? He’s still a kid

Now there… are 3…. steps to… carry a donor card – ooh, wap wap!
Just follow steps 1, 2 and 3.

Chopped Liver – Ashes To Ashes

November 24, 2010

How predictable, I know.

On the day the Ashes series starts, I have to use that song title.

But it’s not accidental – I’m doing a little test y’see. I figure that there will be many people – at least 6 – who will be searching in Google for the word Ashes today – and I want a piece of it.

So, that’s my test. And it’s not too foolhardy. Y’see, I posted an obscure Fall song title (Mere Pseud Mag Ed) some months ago (eh, they’re all obscure, – Ed) and somebody stumpledupon it just yesterday and opened my blog. See? Now get lost, Ed.

But this is one of British sports’ great days – the first ball of an Ashes tour. Who can forget the first ball of the last Ashes tour down under?

it's no good - need to find that contact lens

Oh, Steve Harmison – (no Harm My Son) – his whole career defined in that one critical ball bowled. A whole series mapped out in that one ball. The hopes and aspirations of a nation quashed in one ball – the very first.

Oh no, I am not exagerrating. David Cameron today said that “the whole nation” is behind our boys. So it must true. My guess is that most of the nation do not even know it is taking place – and care even less – but who am I to argue?

So Ashes to Ashes it is then. I’ll stick in a little reference to David Bowie – just for good measure.

I do think it is more than a little sneaky though of the Aussies to make the Brits start playing cricket at midnight – why couldn’t they play at a normal time? – at least then the 6 people that are interested can watch it – unless “I’m an X-Factor Celebrity Get that Apprentice Out of here – this is Strictly a Masterchef Hell’s Kitchen” is on the other side.

A couple more references thrown in there – anybody spot them?

Now there… are 3…. steps to… carry a donor card – ooh, wap wap!
Just follow steps 1, 2 and 3.