Posted tagged ‘london underground’

Chopped Liver – Jeans On

January 9, 2011

David Dundas.

I have no idea why I remember that. I don’t think my brain needed to store that piece of information – it has never been needed – until now – when I write about how I don’t need to remember it.

But why Jeans On? Well as a salute to this day of … well, Jeans Off actually.. That’s Jeans off on the tube for the day – or more officially known as No Trousers on the Tube day.

And why?

One hand - no pocket

I think the answer genuinely is… why not? It’s an event – an art statement that is taking place on different days all over the world and especially during cold weather and in unlikely locations – and it is the responses of the uninitiated that is as important as the partici-pants.

Especially the Brits – this is exactly the kind of expressionism the Brits love to see, but have no idea how to deal with. Look Away – Look Away – Sneak a Peak – Look Away.

Great stuff. Live art.

Now there… are 3…. steps to… carry a donor card – ooh, wap wap!
Just follow steps

Chopped Liver – Jigsaw Puzzle

November 21, 2010

Took Weedy out for tea on Friday afternoon. We were in this department store and his tubedar spotted, hidden away on a low shelf, a most enticing…

What? You don’t know what a tubedar is?

Ah, well, you all know what Radar is, natch. And I guess you all know about a Gaydar. So, Weedy has a tubedar. It basically means he can spot anything remotely connected with the London Underground from a distance of … well, an unmeasurable distance – what’s further than light years?

So Weedy spots this 500-piece London Undergound jigsaw puzzle and makes haste, as the crow flies, straight towards it – “Daddy? Can I …

Resistance is futile in these circumstances.

So, we get home and and it is immediately unwrapped, pieces emptied onto the table and we get to work. Right, how shall we do this – tell you what, son, why don’t we start with the Central Line, build that up – no maybe not, maybe the Jubilee, ‘cos that crosses all the way from, or how about we build up the river and add the adjoining central stations as we go…

However, we opt for the traditional method of collecting the edges and corners and build inwards – teach him a bit of common sense – stand him in good stead, educational y’know.

We manage about 2 hours of total concentration – great fun it was too, but then it was bedtime routine – we’ll finish it in the morning, no probs. So he goes to bed, al excited. Gets up at his usual time – and waits the usual, I dunno, 3 or 4 hours till his parents show signs of life – well, it is the weekend.

And then its back to the puzzle. After about an hour more, it becomes clear that one of the pieces – a fairly recognisable part of the map – simply never appears – no matter how much we search for it. So, I decide we have to count the pieces to make sure they are all there – every jigsaw puzzle maker’s worst nightmare – and lo and behold, after double-checking, triple-checking, getting mummy to count them, it becomes clear that there are, in fact, 2 pieces missing.

So not only can we not complete the puzzle, not only have we wasted hours trying to do the impossible, not only have I got a distraught kid on my hands who simply cannot understand the situation – BUT ALSO – we have to go back to the store, and replace it with another identical one!

Which we do. And we get it home. And we open the box. And we empty the pieces on to the table – AND WE COUNT EVERY SINGLE PIECE BEFORE WE START – and I say to my boy – “So, how shall we do it? Why don’t we start with the Central Line, build that up – no maybe not, maybe the Jubilee, ‘cos that crosses all the way from, or how about we build up the river and add the adjoining central stations as we go…

Now there… are 3…. steps to… carry a donor card – ooh, wap wap!
Just follow steps 1, 2 and 3.

Chopped Liver – Power To The People

October 16, 2010

As many of you know, Weedy (as in wee D) is my 6-year old son.

Last week his class was told that, over the coming 30 or so weeks, they each have to pick a subject and present a Powerpoint presentation to the class.

I repeat. My son is 6 years old.

But he is MY son – and my son knows how to use a computer. He knows how to study tube maps, road maps, bus maps and he has a fine penchant for downloading viruses and trojans, that I can’t for the life of me get rid of. Yet.

So, asks the teacher, who would like to be first? Up shot Weedy’s hand. Excellent Weedy, declares the teacher. Ok, she didn’t call him Weedy – she’d have probably been hauled up in front of the RSPCC if she had. I for one, would certainly have complained – after all, it’s only me who is allowed to call him that.

And what is your chosen subject?

What a question! How long, exactly, has she known him – to have to ask… I dunno… I worry about the observational powers of teachers today.

Eh, The London Underground, miss.

And would that be the pan-European student activist movement that brought industry to its knees in 1968?

No Miss, that’s the trains wot go under the ground, Miss.

So, Weedy, with a little help form Daddy, set about preparing a 10-screen

tunnel vision

Powerpoint presentation which he gave to the class yesterday – and by all accounts – to great acclaim.

Well done, Boy. My only issue was that I was not there to see it – or even that it wasn’t filmed. I mean if you are going to go all hi-tech with the kids, then come on – a little £100 Flip camera would not have gone amiss surely?

Now there… are 3…. steps to… carry a donor card – ooh, wap wap!
Just follow steps 1, 2 and 3.