Posted tagged ‘paul weller’

Chopped liver – Down In The Tube…

April 4, 2011

no not Station at Midnight – just Down in the Tube. T-Tube to be exact.

A recap: About 3 weeks ago I turned up for an endoscopy to remove my attachment – my bag o’ bile – there really is no nice way of describing it – it’s a bag o’ bile. I was really looking forward to having it removed as it was causing me serious discomfort – itchy, painful (especially when the dressing is changed due to one of the stitches), and gunk-oozing. It was also restricting my movement – slowing me down and just generally, y’know getting me down. Not to mention the sheer inconvenience of having it under my clothes and having to empty it all the time.

Anyway, not to worry – it was coming out – 3 weeks ago.

Except, as you know, it didn’t come out – due to my high INR levels – too risky – internal bleeding an’ all that.

So, unfortunately, had to reschedule another endoscopy for a few weeks down the line – till Monday 4th April to be precise. I mentally adjusted myself to this fact – and counted the days down. Listen I have had other, more serious, setbacks recently but have overcome them.

Today is that day. Endoscopy booked for 14:30 – which means no food/drink after 8am.

All running on time – I am duly called in, read the risks (1 in 500 result in death – 1 in 500???? What the heck does that mean? For every 500 endoscopies they do around the country, one person doesn’t make it through? That must be easily one a week – it’s an epidemic!), given my obligatory cannula, had my throat sprayed with vile anaesthetic, had the wretch-inducing tube (with attached Swiss Army knife) stuck down and then – ahhh… blissfully off to sleep.

To sleep.

Perchance to dream.

To dream about life without that feckin’ attachment.

Some chance.

I awake from my slumber to find that following multiple attempts they could not reach the point where my tube is attached – and they had to abandon ship.

A new attempt is schedule for another month down the line.

Another month.

And then what? Same again? Same risks (I’ll have done 500 all on my own by the end – yikes) and what chance the same conclusion?

Look, I know, it’s just another hurdle to overcome. It’s an inconvenience – no more, no less.

I am still doing fine – all things considered – and assuming they can locate the tube sometime in the future, I will look back on this as… actually I may even have forgotten about it.