Posted tagged ‘rolling stones’

Chopped Liver – Fuel To Cry

October 2, 2011

It must be the heat – it’s addling my mind – makes me wanna blog. There was a tweet the other day – it read “Hey Greece, we’ll give you back your weather if you pay us back your debt”.

But I don’t wanna Talk About The Weather (ah, an R.E.M. song – I see they’ve finally split up – 15 years or so too late if they wanted to preserve their cult status if you ask me – actually they’d long lost their cult status – but still had cred status… for a while.)

But I don’t wanna talk about R.E.M.

Y’see what happens when you stop blogging? Things happen in the world of earth-shattering proportions and I don’t give my take on them and when I get round to blogging again, I have to play catch-up. Sorry about that peeps – any other stories you want my take on – you know, just ask).

What I want to talk about is fuel. I had a visit from a friend of mine who lives in Brazil. We were chatting about the differences in lifestyle etc and i asked if fuel prices in Brazil were as bad as they are here. He said the cost of running your car is not an issue in Brazil as the vehicles all run on LPG (Liquified Petroleum Gas) or AutoGas as it is also called and is not affected by rising oil prices from the middle east – in fact it costs about half the price, is cleaner for the environment and everyone uses it! And if your car is not set up for it, it can easily be converted for a few hundred quid.

I thought, wow, if only we had something like that here – in this country we are held to ransom not just by the greedy OPEC countries but also by the greedy oil companies who transfer the oil into fuel for our cars.

But then what do I find? The UK IS INDEED a main producer of LPG! We export it!

You know I find this fact so incredible I feel I should repeat it – but I won’t I’ll just let you read it again.

So, we produce the gas, but have no cars to run with it. It costs half the price of petrol. It is cleaner for the environment – but we prefer to pay for the more expensive and dirtier fuel imported from the middle east.

So what if you wanted to use this gas in the UK? The answer is you can. In fact there are over 1400 filling stations around the country that dispenses it. And you can convert your car to run with it – however it costs over £2000 to convert your car! £400 in Brazil. £2000 in UK.

Even that price, if you keep your car for about 3 years you will start to see a return on your investment – you will save an average of around £750 on an average annual usage.

Yet we choose to import cars that cant run it. Choose to import petrol. And choose to ignore what is on our own doorstep.

Why?

There is a recent article all about this subject in The Guardian by a guy called Miles Brignall – you can read it here

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Chopped Liver – It’s All Over Now

June 15, 2011

Today was a landmark day. In truth, I’ve had many landmark days this year, but I particularly like this one.

You may recall the saga of my T-tube (bile-bag) which simply didn’t want to come out despite multiple attempts. Well, as you know it finally gave up the battle a month ago, although not without a fight – and that fight resulted in me spending a day in casualty followed by 4 days as an inpatient.

All that as a result of complications following an endoscopy. In that endoscopy, the doc inserted a stent to effectively seal the area around my liver that produces the bile. And that stent had to be removed a month later by another endoscopy procedure. Well that event was today.

I was getting so blase about these procedures that I barely told anyone beforehand that I was having it – my mum still doesn’t know that I was due to have or even, as yet, that I have had it. And so it was today that I turned up for the main event.

Nurse came to administer the trusty cannula – I was even getting a bit blase about that too – but that soon dissipated as she struggled to find a vein that would receive the needle. I told her where to stick it – if you get my meaning – and she succumbed and in it went. I was expecting to be so sedated during the procedure that I would feel a thing, but as it turned out I was conscious of me wretching throughout the procedure, which, in truth, lasted only a few minutes.

I really don’t know what they do with this probe they stick down me – how exactly they insert and remove stents etc, but they do do it – and today they did do it.

I came home afterwards, and crashed out on the bed – for a good 4 hours – but now i am in the realisation that, for all intents and purposed, that is it!

My liver transplant is finally complete.

I think that’s worth repeating.

My liver transplant is finally complete.

I have no alien parts sticking in, sticking out – except of course my new liver, which so far I have formed a beautiful relationship with.

So, save for the mountain of drugs that I still have to take, I am effectively done.

Close the book.

Close the blog?

I like the blog. We’ll see.

Chopped Liver – The Loving Cup

February 5, 2011

Big day tomorrow. I’m in preparation for it. It’s The SuperCuparoonie – formerly known as The Cuparoonie.

It all started way back in Nineteen Canteen, when the boys were bachelors, living in South London and with no commitments. The Boys are Canny K, The Sceptical Punter and myself.

And we play for The Cuparoonie – which brings with it, in addition to victory and holding the Cuparoonie for a whole year, the added kudos of the holder demanding appearance money whenever a pack of cards is produced.

The rules are always the same, always different.

What happens every year is that Canny K sends round an email asking the other two what rules we are going to play this year – and when he gets no reply he just goes ahead and devises a new set.

Essentially, the main games that are played long into the night are Gin Rummy, Cribbage and Blackjack.

I say Gin Rummy. It’s not the Gin Rummy that you may know. This one has Whamaroonies, Half-Whamaroonies and Duckaroonies.

I say those in plural, in fact you are only  allowed one Wham or Half-Wham or even one Duck in any one game.

Regarding Cribbage, it’s not quite Cribbage, as you may know it. This one you bid for the crib and only the auction winner gets it. Depending on the pack that has been opened, there are jokers, Bridge score cards and invariably other promotional cards that we attach nuances to. Needless to say, holding a Bridge score card when a joker is turned over can be deadly.

And I say Blackjack. Now Blackjack is about the only game where we haven’t changed the rules. Except for the fact that this is perhaps not the Blackjack you were expecting. This is not Casino Blackjack but the game where the cards have values.

E.g. if you play a 2 then the next player must pick up 2 unless, of course they have a 2 in which case the next player must pick up 4 unless they have a 2 etc. and 8 misses a go, and a Black jack means the next player must pick up 5 unless they have also have a Red jack which cancels it or a Black Jack in which case the next player must pick up 10 unless they have a Red Jack or two in which case they can cancel the penalty of the Black Jack(s) – you get my meaning, it’s pretty straightforward, this one.

The Cuparoonie 2010 – let’s hope this year will be just as good

Since we started playing the annual Cuparoonie, we have gone through various marriages, girlfriends – but now we are all hitched and at various stages of family life. The Cuparoonie no longer takes place around Christmas time, it is now timed to coincide with the Superbowl – hence the name SuperCuparoonie.

This is as close as we have ever had to documenting the rules, something we have been intending to do for many years, it’s just that the rules kept changing.

Finally, it used to coincide with the consumption of beer, curry and even the odd cigar or cigarette at times. However, health issues and a small dose of common sense has changed all that – even the curry struggles to make an appearance these days – and when it does, it usually outstays its welcome, in my case, by some days!

If there is anyone who has read up to this point – I congratulate you. If there is anyone who claims to have understood it, I think you may need help.

Now there… are 3…. steps to… carry a donor card – ooh, wap wap!
Just follow steps 1, 2 and 3.</a

Chopped Liver – Jigsaw Puzzle

November 21, 2010

Took Weedy out for tea on Friday afternoon. We were in this department store and his tubedar spotted, hidden away on a low shelf, a most enticing…

What? You don’t know what a tubedar is?

Ah, well, you all know what Radar is, natch. And I guess you all know about a Gaydar. So, Weedy has a tubedar. It basically means he can spot anything remotely connected with the London Underground from a distance of … well, an unmeasurable distance – what’s further than light years?

So Weedy spots this 500-piece London Undergound jigsaw puzzle and makes haste, as the crow flies, straight towards it – “Daddy? Can I …

Resistance is futile in these circumstances.

So, we get home and and it is immediately unwrapped, pieces emptied onto the table and we get to work. Right, how shall we do this – tell you what, son, why don’t we start with the Central Line, build that up – no maybe not, maybe the Jubilee, ‘cos that crosses all the way from, or how about we build up the river and add the adjoining central stations as we go…

However, we opt for the traditional method of collecting the edges and corners and build inwards – teach him a bit of common sense – stand him in good stead, educational y’know.

We manage about 2 hours of total concentration – great fun it was too, but then it was bedtime routine – we’ll finish it in the morning, no probs. So he goes to bed, al excited. Gets up at his usual time – and waits the usual, I dunno, 3 or 4 hours till his parents show signs of life – well, it is the weekend.

And then its back to the puzzle. After about an hour more, it becomes clear that one of the pieces – a fairly recognisable part of the map – simply never appears – no matter how much we search for it. So, I decide we have to count the pieces to make sure they are all there – every jigsaw puzzle maker’s worst nightmare – and lo and behold, after double-checking, triple-checking, getting mummy to count them, it becomes clear that there are, in fact, 2 pieces missing.

So not only can we not complete the puzzle, not only have we wasted hours trying to do the impossible, not only have I got a distraught kid on my hands who simply cannot understand the situation – BUT ALSO – we have to go back to the store, and replace it with another identical one!

Which we do. And we get it home. And we open the box. And we empty the pieces on to the table – AND WE COUNT EVERY SINGLE PIECE BEFORE WE START – and I say to my boy – “So, how shall we do it? Why don’t we start with the Central Line, build that up – no maybe not, maybe the Jubilee, ‘cos that crosses all the way from, or how about we build up the river and add the adjoining central stations as we go…

Now there… are 3…. steps to… carry a donor card – ooh, wap wap!
Just follow steps 1, 2 and 3.

Chopped Liver – Roobey Tuesday

October 19, 2010

Let’s get this straight.

It is Tuesday.

And it is the day that supposedly shocked the football world when Rooney was reported to want away from Man U – for financial reasons.

I don’t really care. With wages and image rights he is reported to be already earning £300k a week. Ladies of the night don’t come cheap these days.

So he is going down to the City for even more money – maybe he anticipates needing it for a possible future divorce.

But, as Morrissey once said, “it says nothing to me about my life” – I am just busting a gut just trying to make a deal here or a deal there – just to pay the bills.

So, Goodbye Roo-bey Tuesday, tomorrow is just another day – doo doo doo doo.

Now there… are 3…. steps to… carry a donor card – ooh, wap wap!
Just follow steps 1, 2 and 3.