Well, how many songs do you know with “Psychosomatic” in the title? (Oh, and for the smart-arses I know it’s not the title – but listen – there’s hardly anybody reading this who even has a clue what we’re on about).
But this is what I want to talk about today. Y’see 2 months ago, I was my usual self. “Usual” for me was tired, sporadic bouts of nausea and jaundice – but not really enough to prevent me going about my business – after a fashion.
Then, during a routine liver appointment (where my usual consultant was away and was replaced by … someone else) it was suggested that I was due an MRI. Oh yawn, I thought, it’s going to show all the usual stuff, inflamed gallbladder , hundreds and thousands of gallstones, varicies in the oesophagus and stomach yada yada.
But no, this time it showed more sinister goings on – i.e. the blocked portal vein – leading to the decision to transplant.
Now, since that decision was made and I was released from captivity back into the jungle, I have felt pretty bad. Can’t get through the day without feeling pyeeahhh! Don’t feel like working. Don’t feel like playing. Like today, I was with Weedy, playing some board game – and it just descended on me – I could practically see it, like a cloud (big grey one) and I couldn’t speak, couldn’t keep my eyes open – absolutely no energy – just drained away – had to go and lie down.
Later on, we went across the road to our friends on the “upper side” and gradually I came back to life again -started bantering again, telling a few jokes. But what caused all this? Blood Sugar Levels? Liver failing due to lack of blood/oxygen? Lack of nutrients?
Whatever it is (and I will have to look into it and experiment with dietary habits etc) why was I not so affected prior to being told I needed a liver transplant? Is it, perish the thought, merely psychosomatic?
Nobody admits to their physical symptoms being psychosomatic. It’s a sign of … I dunno, weakness, perhaps. Something not real, perhaps. Almost like, Aw, shake yurself, get a grip, just ignore it and it’ll go away. I would (I have done!) probably say it myself to others so why should it not apply to me?
I don’t know the answer. I just thought I’d throw it in the air – and see how it lands.