Posted tagged ‘tommy cooper’

Chopped Liver – Stuck In The Middle

November 8, 2010

Had an MRI scan today – routine – to check the whereabouts of my clot.

She’s in the kitchen.

No, not that clot. The one in my portal vein. Has it moved? I’ll find out the results in a few days/weeks/months.

But I tell you what – talk about me getting blase an’ all that – I barely flinched when they put the cannula in – I practically fell asleep in the MRI chamber.

I think that’s worth another Tommy Cooper one-liner.

“He said ‘I’m going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library. ‘I thought ‘That’s a turn-up for the books.”

Now there… are 3…. steps to… carry a donor card – ooh, wap wap!
Just follow steps 1, 2 and 3.

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Chopped Liver – Back To Life

November 2, 2010

… back to reality…

So, I’ve had my 15 minutes. Actually I think I may have been short-changed – seemed more like 2 minutes – which is fine – leaves me room for another 13 sometime in the future.

Time for a liver health update I think – after all – this is meant to be a liver transplant blog but i don’t seem to have mentioned my state of health much recently – except to say that I was feeling rubbish for a while.

But one must must also report on the positives too – we don’t just want to be known as moaning hypocondriacs now do we? No we don’t. So, last few days I have felt fine – and thank you for asking.

And so what is the reason for my fine-ness today as opposed to my less-than-fine-ness last week? Hell, I dunno – watcha askin’ me for? My guess is I had a sustained period of mild cholangitis – which is a blockage of the bile ducts causing nausea, tiredness, lethargy and shivvery flu-like symptoms – but that was then and today is another day.

And today, in Twitterland, to try and cheer peeps up with some of the doom and gloom going around, y’know, the economy, Danny Baker, Lily Allen, world poverty, printer cartridges etc – some peeps have been posting Tommy Cooper one-liners – and I don’t need much encouragement to join that conversation…

Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other, “Does this taste funny to you?”

I was complimented on my driving today – When I got back to my car there was a note attached to the windscreen that said “Parking Fine”.

So I went to the dentist. He said “Say Aaah.” I said “Why?” He said “My dog’s died.’

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.

That’ll do for now – if you want more, you only have to ask. If you want less, stop reading my blog. If you want the same, re-read my blog.

Now there… are 3…. steps to… carry a donor card – ooh, wap wap!
Just follow steps 1, 2 and 3.

Chopped Liver – Ha Ha Said The Clown

September 11, 2010

Visiting London, a Scotsman was asked by a stranger, “Do you know the Battersea dog’s home?”. He replied, “I didn’t even know it was away.”

That was Glaswegian funnyman Chic Murray.

A cannnibal was eating a clown when he asked, “Does this taste funny to you?”

That was Tommy Cooper.

A guy goes into a Baker’s Shop and asks, “Is that a doughnut or a meringue?”

Baker, “Oh no, yur right enough, it is a doughnut!” (*)

As you know, that was me.

(*) Sorry Sawbofeller, but I haven’t heard it for a while so I thought I’d tell it again.

Now there… are 3…. steps to… carry a donor card – ooh, wap wap!
Just follow steps 1, 2 and 3.